(via shopruche)

One day, hopefully.

So it’s official: I’m finally letting myself get freaked out about moving my life half way across the world. When I started the process of browsing graduate schools this past December, there was never a doubt in my mind that that wasnt what I was meant to do and that everything was going to be fine. After a few circumstances came along to kick my ass in the right direction to finally apply, I knew I had made the right decision. And now that the only thing left is to receive my visa (I will spare you that daily freak-out thought process), I am at the stage where panic is starting to set in.

So why the anxiety? Let’s see where I’m at on my checklist of things to see if it’s justifiable:

-Given my two-weeks notice and ask for leave

-Made list of all services to cancel—

          Phone, Insurance, Gym, Netflix, Hulu+, Utilities

-Research Phone Plans for Move

-Research Banks for Move

-Update all credit cards to renew before move

-Get rid of all belongings that does not fit into chest of drawers or is not coming with you

-Make sure all of your bases are actually covered

-Have a plan come one year from now

Things are starting to come together to show that I’m taking a REALLY big risk by moving overseas and going back to grad school. I’ve never been one for doom and gloom scenarios, and while natural to do so, I really wish I had got this out of my system earlier. Leaving your family and friends behind, leaving a well paying job, giving away most of your belongings, and jumping into a stagnant economy while accumulating grad school debt, does not seem to be the most appealing life choices to many right now. I’m doing all of them.

So now that I’ve painted enough of an apocolyptic future for you, I’m sure you’re wanting to ask “do you really want to take this risk?” And the answer has been and always will be: YES

I’m creating this post of pessimism to let myself, for once, be afraid. I’ve always prided myself as the one with the brave face, of being confident in all of my endeavors, to be excited to try new things. And while I am all of those things I’ve not let myself be okay with worrying about the risks. This post is a way to sort of a self-hug and to tell myself that “everything is going to be okay ”.

 I don’t know what lies ahead of me, but I’m doing all of this as an opportunity to better myself.  Nothing worth having is going to come easy. I have to take these chances to find out if what I’m feeling about my life at the moment is for real. I have to take these steps to differentiate myself from the crowd in this job market. I have to take these steps to finally figure out to the best route to something I’ve lacked for an extremely long time, if ever really: Permanency.

When my mind starts to drift off in this direction I just need to remind myself that I have thought this out through every detail, I’ve budgeted for almost every scenario under the sun, and I’ve experienced and read enough to know that middle management isn’t a bad thing. I’m beyond excited to finally live where I feel that I’m at my absolute best. I’m stretching myself to do things I’ve never thought myself capable of doing, and I’m pursuing a life that will leave me with no regrets. And above all else, I’ll be living within only a short walk away from an abundance of HobNobs available for purchase.

On a final note, I now leave you with my theme song for life at the moment. Enjoy!